I love to write. Really. It’s like I don’t know what I think until I can get it out on paper (or screen) and then read it. And tweak it. And read it some more… and edit, edit, edit. So, considering my passion for health (ALL of it – physical, mental, social) and love for writing, I figured blogging would be just amazing.
So far, it hasn’t been.
Because you know what I do? I think about how much I’m putting myself out there. Completely opening myself up for judgment. And ON THE INTERNET. Anyone, anywhere, can eat you alive in the comment section. I know, it sounds dumb. Even saying it out loud, I think, “who cares what anyone thinks?” But it really can get to you. People are behind that screen, that barrier… and they let loose. And you never know what someone could say that might stick and be painful. It’s easy to just say, “Oh, get a thicker skin,” but for a sensitive person like myself, who feels everything so deeply, that is no easy feat.
Insecurity rears its nasty little head and I become incredibly nervous about posting anything I write. Is it good enough? Am I entertaining? Did I make any sense? Does anyone care what I have to say? Will I offend anyone? Granted, people I don’t know, I don’t worry so much about offending. It’s the people I do know. The people who I am friends/acquaintances with on different levels and now I’ve exposed my strong opinions or shared health information that may make them view me differently. Lifestyle stuff can be controversial and people who might be in a rough spot or feel insecure about their health or just honestly not give a crap about healthy habits, tend to be the ones who really get offended or lash out. They must feel judged on some level which I can understand. People naturally compare but I’m pretty compassionate. I know there are many, many reasons why people aren’t on the same health page and I don’t really worry about it. Sometimes it sucks to feel like the only person who sees things the way you do but I try hard to not push anything on anyone and just be a resource… a source of health information for people if/when they choose to come to me.
My blog is meant to be a positive thing. To help people just be better… healthier holistically. I have this knowledge, this experience, this awakening, even this expensive formal education under my belt that I want to share. Not because I just want to talk about myself, not because I think I’m better than anyone else, not because I want to feed an ego, not because I think I’m a special snowflake… but because I want to give back! If someone can take a bit of info I’ve shared and it makes a light bulb go off or it has improved their lives in some way, that’s just the best feeling in the world! That’s my goal. Other health coaches/bloggers/experts have helped me, now I want to pay it forward.
I do want to make an income from my passion yet I have heard so many people complaining about bloggers who get paid for what they do. That bloggers become sellouts when they rent ad space or write promotional posts. It takes a lot of time and effort to write blog posts. When you have someone who is genuine and real (ya know, really putting so much of their personal story or their creative works or ideas out into the interwebs for everyone to see) what is wrong with them wanting to be paid for all the work they do? I want to be able to live and survive all while working in my realm. That is what makes me happy. I don’t want to work a Mon-Fri job tied to a desk in an office doing something I don’t like or doesn’t feel important to me… only waiting for the weekend or vacation. Just paying bills and then dying. It’s just not me and even though I haven’t conquered my fears associated with blogging quite yet and limit what I post, I have conquered the fear of leaving jobs that just aren’t for me.
I guess anyone who virtually stands on a soapbox with a megaphone stating their opinion on anything or sharing controversial info is opening themselves up for backlash but it also opens up the door for supporters. That is what I need to focus on. I guess the saying is true: haters gonna hate, likers gonna like. Maybe because my blog is still in its infancy with not a lot of engagement, it seems like I’m shouting into the abyss alone. And it’s scarier to go at it alone. I know… growth takes time and finding the people who are on the same page and appreciate what you do isn’t always easy. The thing with growth, is being consistent with posts, having quality content, and sharing it on social media outlets…
but then, ya know what I do? I think I’m annoying. Pushing people away.
I suppose there is a balance that I just need to figure out. Work in progress.
Are you a blogger? Do you struggle with blogging insecurity? What do you do to overcome it?